Sometimes when i'm frustrated i burn an album that sounds especially good at high volume in my car and do a lap around downtown. It's a shallow attempt at attracting attention, even a brief look of disgust is all the recognition i'm looking for and more often than not it happens. Last night i played Undertow by Tool. To give a brief explanation of what that album means to me; compared to all the extreme metal, death metal, black metal, grind, that album is more brutal and more powerful than the lot of it. It's visceral, it's jarring, it's emotionally exhausting, and perfect for the emotions i was trying to deal with. Last night while waiting at a stop light next to a fairly busy section of downtown, next to the Irish Pub Sine, this middle aged couple walks over to my car. They started to dance, they started to dance to Tool. I didn't recognize it at first, but then the guy yelled at me through the wall of sound being projected from my driver's side window, "Hey! Could you stick around for a little while... Turn it up!" I replied, "Of course!" and dialed a couple more notches clockwise on the volume knob. But, the light turned green and while shifting my left arm from resting on the window to the steering wheel, i gave him a wave of respect and sped off, squeeling slightly around a sharp turn. It was so refreshing. In the sea of apathy that is this town; someone not only reacted to a disturbance but reacted adaptively, enjoying the sudden chaos that fell upon that small section of cobblestone laden street.

The temperature is beginning to fall again. Unlike other years i'm looking forward to it. It will be nice to go for a walk without worrying about pit stains or smell or going through shirts too fast. I'm looking forward to buying a couple sweaters so i can advertise some variety in my attire at work. I'm looking forward to the leaves changing and falling and hope it doesn't pass me by too qickly like it did last season.

This summer was not really any fun. I remember feeling lonely most of the time, and i'm sure it's mostly a seasonal thing. Spring and summer are times where all instincts are telling you to mate, and to a less drastic extent, be with people. But with fall i won't feel quite as wanting, quite as inadequate because i'll be preparing for hibernation. I'll be eating more, making sure my den is warm and comfortable, embracing the loneliness as a time of rest and reflection. I look forward to buying myself a really nice bottle of scotch to warm me up on what i decide are special nights.

I'm curious as to how i'll feel about these years spent in Richmond later on in life. I wonder if i'd even remember them or repress them like most of the memories of early education. I think i might remember the silence, or an assortment of white noises: the sound of spinning fans on my computer, the clunk and cycle of my AC/heat unit, the cicadas and other summer time insects, relentless clicking of computer mice at work, and the sound of my engine on the morning and afternoon commutes; all secondary, all generally forgettable, but no more forgettable than anything else that has happened here.