21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#3 - Cephalic Carnage - Anomalies

Cephalic Carnage are the end result of mixing insanely technical grind-core with weed. There's nothing else like it, which is an odd anomaly in itself. Generally when a band makes something epic other bands tag along for the ride, but not with Colorado hydro-grind. These guys are just too good at writing songs to be influential. Everything they write is so brutal and satisfying, and their live set is... fun, legitimately. They make you feel good about being a metal-head. And, if you're carrying, they will smoke up with you, no matter who you are. However, as far as albums are concerned, there's one reason why i choose this slab over the others: The last track, the 10 minute epic titled Ontogony of Behavior. It rises from the mud, dripping and gurgling, slowly wiping itself clean, slicking it's black feathers back into place. It's eyes dart around aquainting itself, centering itself and 4 minutes in it takes flight like lucifer. Darting through the night sky picking off people left and right, taking they're sight and sound and leaving them crouched in horror, begging for mercy, and just when you think it's over it comes back and takes what's left. This is my favorite song of all time.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#4 - Agalloch - Ashes Against the Grain

Me: Hey douche, check out this band... Agalloch

Some Douche: What do they sound like?

Me: They're a dark/ambient folky band with tinges of black metal and lots of atmosphere.

Some Douche: Where are they from? Norway, Finland, France?

Me: Nope, Portland fucking Oregon.

Some Douche: Oh god, they must be fucking awful.

Me: On the contrary my stinky friend, they put most European bands to shame.

Some Douch: Well, I don't believe you, but you do have awfully good taste, so what the hell, i'll give her the old college try.

Me: Damn right you will, you sorry little douche. ::puts on the CD::

Some Douche: Ok, Ok, decent intro, little boring.... ::50 minutes of catatonic trance-like coma:: WOW, Pack your bags, we're moving to Portland fucking Oregon. It must be so cold there, and dark all the time. They must not have ever seen the sun, or maybe when they were first born and never again giving them an eternal sense of longing.

Me: Whoa, whoa, no, it's Portland Fucking Oregon, but i'm glad you like it.

Spread this album around, have similar conversations, gather and rejoice. Just don't keep this to yourself, because anyone who hasn't heard it is doomed to be... a douche.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#5 - Opeth - Blackwater Park

I was completely unaware there was contempt for this album until i pulled up metal-archives for the run-time and saw a 75% on Blackwater park. 75%?! The arguments are what i expected though: Too long, not heavy enough, boring. Blackwater Park is long at just over a full hour. However, when most bands accomplish length of this sort there would be some filler; some music that isn't absolutely necessary for the composition. None can be found on Blackwater Park. As for the second criticism, what a juvenile, ignorant comment to make about any metal album. Metal is all about heavy but what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that if you tease the listener for a second, an already heavy riff can be a inconceivably heavier. Opeth do this a lot and with great effect. And lastly boring. I'd like to see you sit down and write an acoustic guitar part played in counterpoint with a grand piano and lyrics. Boring... Every riff on Blackwater Park is memorable and every clean passage keeps your attention with it's heart-felt emotion and technicality. Without specifying musical genre, Opeth is the most consistent band running. And although i may find flaws in particular albums, i'm always impressed and will always come back for more.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#6 - Strapping Young Lad - SYL

Devin Townsend has been one of my favorite musicians since the beginning. He has the ability to make music completely outside the realm of the music industry avoiding all of it's intricate sub-genres and definitions. And, with the existence of both the Devin Townsend Band and Strapping young lad he's been able to traverse both the majestic and the grotesque, the graceful and the brutal. But, it was on SYL's self-titled album that he attempted to combine them. The balance is not even. This is still a heavy as fuck SYL album, but songs like Aftermath and Force Fed are perfect examples of how both sides of his bipolar condition were in perfect sync. This album is a monument in Devin's career which i'm sure will be quite a journey well into the 21st century. And, i'll be with him every step of the way.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#7 - High on Fire - Death is this Communion

I love High on Fire but can't say anything intelligent about them. Maybe that's the point. High on Fire is composed of three expertly trained musicians who choose not show it. I mean, they show that they're tight, that they can make groove after vicious groove without getting boring, but they forgo the bullshit that most expertly trained musicians succumb to. Simple, to the point, sledgehammer to the cranium metal. This album kills.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#8 - Enslaved - Isa

As we approach the top of list i've dug myself into a group of bands that are so good it's nearly impossible to pick their "best" album. Enslaved have had six full-length records since the year 2000 and all of them are superb. This is a band that has no conflict being influenced equally by emperor and pink floyd, by Mayhem and King Crimson. When you have that big of a spread between musical influences you have a lot of ground to cover. And Enslaved push full speed ahead writing brilliant music with a sense of tact and modesty, which is rare to find in the realm of the progressive. I picked Isa because it has the most memorable moments for me. And this just means more content stays with me from Isa than any other album. A lot of people would disagree, but that's what makes enslaved such a great band. Each album is geared toward a different audience and i honeslty suggest you go out and listen to each one to find out which is the perfect fit for you.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#9 - Mastodon - Remission

Fucking Mastodon... Not many bands have left me so conflicted, so confused. I have so much respect for this band and i hop on new material as soon as they release it to the public, yet i only love one of their albums. The rest have moments that i cling to and play through my various sound systems over and over, but they are mere moments. I love every second of Remission and i listen to it from beginning to end often. But why? For me Remission is the perfect balance between bludgeoning brutality and sprawling majesty. For every short blast of blood and carnage there's a groove laden epic that unfolds like orgasmic release. I get caught up in the give and take of this album. The leads are so jarring yet so satisfying, and Bran's drum fills build up so much tension just before evening out for a neck breaking riff. And when that riff rears its ugly prehistoric head, all my worldly weakness disappears.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#10 - Windir - Likferd

More black metal, this time a more traditional approach. This is melodic viking black metal, a style pioneered by Bathory. Windir make the style sound fresh and accessible on Likferd with a nearly pristine production and the most catchy melodies of their career. I say their, but really Windir is one guy, taking after Quorthon with his individuality, Valfar was a master musician and composer. The passion and attention to detail is heard through every aspect of this album, from the clean perfect pitch croons to the frigid but ultimately catchy guitar leads. It's the sort of black metal that empowers, the sort you want playing as you stride into war.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#11 - Deathspell Omega - Si Monumentum Requires, Circumspice

Instead of writing a mini-review for this album i want to post an excerpt from one of the few interviews Deathspell Omega have given. I think it gives a more honest portrayal of the band than i ever could.

"First and foremost, we want to avoid at all costs this very human illusion of being important and gladly leave these fifteen minutes of fame, as Warhol brilliantly put it, to whoever wants them. In regard to what we are trying to understand and dare to praise despite the immense restrictions of human understanding, we are nothing. This being said, we are of course better than most humans, our humility lies on a metaphysical level. Eventually, it should also be considered that we honestly can not say how much of the artistic or intellectual impulses truly come from us, and which percentage of, for example, "Si monumentim requires, circumspice" was conceived through or maybe even despite us. Claiming the paternity of a child with such odd and uncontrollable origins would be very vain, indeed, even if -at least- the credit of being an instrument remains. ("I shall descend in humiliation before Thee - And ascend before men only if thy will ordains me")"

The entire interview is posted at this location: http://ezxhaton.kccricket.net/interview.html

Read it if you like intelligent music and intelligent people. Stop reading my blog if you don't... :P

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#12 - Helloween - The Dark Ride

Could I have picked a better complement to the last review? Nope, ::applause:: thanks. No love for the power metal these days... but it should not be forgotten because of a few bands mucking it up for everyone. (Dragonforce, i'm looking at you) And god damn, The Dark Ride is fantastic. The songs are catchy and positive and silly. After so much anger and sadness from the rest of metal it's nice to have a break and Helloween provide exactly that without sacrificing the chops. These guys can fucking melt your face off.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#13 - Daylight Dies - Dismantling Devotion

I'm a sucker for sadness, for longing, for loss and betrayal. I've always favored depression over happiness. It feels more real, more honest. And when these emotions are displayed in music i get highly critical. The music has to hit me in a sympathetic way, amplifying my own feelings, understanding me and sharing my burden. It's special when even a single part of a band or album does that for me. But, when every aspect of the music fills me with sadness it's immediately promoted to epic status. Dismantling Devotion is the example. This album tears into me and twists and it feels great.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#14 - Immortal - Sons of Northern Darkness

After that whole spiel about not taking yourself too seriously i go and pick one of the most ridiculous black metal albums of all time. Go figure, Immortal are pretty fucking silly, but god damn can they write some amazing music. Equal parts thrash and black metal, every song on this album is a gem to remember. But it's not really the brilliant musicianship or song-writing ability displayed that makes me all hot and bothered. When i listen to Sons of Norther Darkness it provokes this weird involuntary reaction. The sides of my mouth drop into a grimace, my eyes close into a scowl and my right arm raises hand open displaying the evil held within.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#15 - Neurosis - Given to the Rising

When making lists like this you run into bands that are too influential. You can't just pick one album because all of them had a profound effect in the context in which they reside. Without Neurosis an entire sub-genre of music would be dramatically different. So how did i pick Given to thr Rising? I picked Given to the Rising because i feel comfortable with Given to the Rising. After adventuring through the unknown with other Neurosis albums, this one feels like home. It feels like a culmination of all those discovered territories, all the skills and techniques refined into a near perfect album. I would reserve the word opus though. After making so many fantastic albums i am more than confident the opus is yet to come. And i wait for it with undeniable anticipation.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#16 - Cynic - Traced in Air

I am pretty pissed off Cynic had only two LP's in the 20 years they've been in existence. They released Focus in '93, changed the face of death metal then disappeared until last year. When i first heard of a reunion, i remember being excited, but cautious. That unbearable period of silence means the musicians involved are going to be completely different people with different technique, different goals and ambitions. It would be naive to think Cynic was going to pick up were Focus left off. So when Traced in Air was released i had no idea what to expect. I listened to it once, then again, and another time. I loved every second of this album and the songs were lodged in my gray matter permanently. Each song is an extreme example of progressive song structure with time changes and key changes shifting back and forth, left and right, but these songs are memorable, they're accessible, they're catchy. I have no clue how they did it, but i am a fan for life after this album. I just hope they don't keep me waiting another 15 years...

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#17 - Pig Destroyer - Prowler in the Yard

If i were to choose a sountrack to the book "Story of the Eye" by George Battaille this would be it. Both are based in a world where violence and debauchery are the norm. Both are efficient in pushing the listener/reader as close as possible to their gag reflex. But, both grow on you, if you let them, opening up a whole new realm of curiosity. After listening to Prowler in the Yard all you want to do is find something even more extreme and demented. Unfortunately for us, such a thing doesn't exist... yet.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#18 - Vader - Litany

Polish death metal is somewhat hit or miss. Their goal is terribly ambitious: to mix equal parts brutality and technicality while writing focused songs. Vader managed to do it in under 30 minutes with Litany. It's a short but terribly dense aural affair. The moments of rest are fleeting and their only purpose is to emphasize the oncoming aggression. I can't think of a more powerful music induced adrenaline rush. WARNING: Listening to Track 3 - Xeper while driving is legitimately irresponsible and may result in the death of you and everyone in your immediate vicinity.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#19 - Warning - Watching from a Distance

Despair, depression, despondency, Doom. Warning know doom. It runs through their viens like lead poisoning. It makes their hands heavy, their vocal chords weak and desperate. When listening to Watching from a Distance you feel as Warning meant us to feel, lost. Losing oneself has never been so enjoyable...

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#20 - Impaled - Mondo Medicale

Unoriginal Carcass Clones? Maybe. But, that doesn't stop them from creating the gore-grind masterpiece of the 21st century so far. The leads are searing. The vocals are varied. The spoken word intros are hilarious. This album moves like a coked up addict through a crowded city sidewalk with scalpels in both hands. And it ends with a nasty riff wrapping the carnage up in a blood-soaked ace bandage.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

Metalsucks.com is a fucking awful website. All of the reasons i would offer to explain would sound like elitist bullshit. Which it would be, because i'm an elitist.

BUT, they featured a series of reviews that i had to follow out of curiosity.

The series was Best 21 Metal Releases of the 21st Century.

Needless to say i thought most of their picks were shit.

And in response i will make a list of my own.

This will not be a definitive list; it will not be supported by many people. The purpose of this list is to represent me and my love for such music. And I hope anyone who reads will get some amount of entertainment out of it.

This will be a landmark of my life; a recollection of my experience with music of the past 9 years.

So begins the list...


#21 - Crotchduster - Big Fat Box of Shit

I know what you're thinking, why the fuck would i start out with a joke. At least lead up to it with some serious bits and use it as relief. NO, I placed Crotchduster comfortably at #21 because it's not the best written piece of metal. It's not the most brutal or technical or atmospheric or any other attribute most metal enthusiasts paste on to these bands. The point of placing it at 21 is to display one of the most important axioms of life. If you're older than 16, you know that life is shit and if you take everything around you or yourself too seriously, you're going to be a fucking buzz-kill to everyone. So have a sense of humor. That's what Crotchduster preach: have a fucking sense of humor. Their drummer is a dog for fuck's sakes...