People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange

If you haven't seen californicaton, you should, it's a great show.

Talking every day with one of my 55 year old coworkers is making me feel like a juvenile delinquent. Whenever i think of something to talk about it winds up involving some illegal or questionable activity i take part in and this dude is straight laced beyond definition. He doesn't go above the speed limit, doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't partake in the most innocent of web surfing while at work (not even news etc...) He doesn't listen to music, so that kills about 75% of all possible topics of conversation with me. Most of the time when we talk he just gives me a lecture about something, which i don't mind. It's better than silence. But today he hardly spoke at all. I think it was deliberate to see if i'd fill the void, but i have enough trouble thinking up different acknowledgments to whatever he's saying. The venue for these conversations is four miles of sidewalk that takes the full lunch break to navigate. I enjoy the walk because i don't like being in the office, and i think i'm giving him a bit of motivation to exercise and lose some weight. He said since he's met me he's taken off 15 pounds, and i'm very happy for him. I just hope he hasn't run out of things to say, because an hour is a bit more awkward silence than i can bear.

The weekend. I went to NYC for a birthday party for three different girls. Two of which i knew very well, while one has always been either bashful of me or disgusted by me since i met her years ago. The day leading up to the party was spent in an outlet mall in NJ with Ali which was a good experience, except for the lack of a general dept store to get some sunglasses. Ali made out very well finding an interview dress at a ridiculous discount because she's not afraid to ask for well-concealed discounts and people love to interact with her, including me. It was a long day but my first drink at the bar was a red bull and vodka which set me straight. The rest of the night fades in and out of my memory, but i can remember one moment very vividly. I turned around and out of nowhere was standing matt hittenmark. A person i don't care about in the least bit because he always struck me as artificial; like he doesn't really have any taste or desire for anything, just drifting trying to be seen and heard. I wanted to slap him in the face for no particular reason, but i had a short polite conversation with him maintaining an interested smile and polite dimeanor. My skin crawled, but it was a party and i think he saw through me anyway. The rest of the night i was very drunk and remember smiling a lot. Mostly because i enjoyed being around Matt and Dan infinitely. They always look at me with an honest interested expression that i can't get enough of and they're the most honorable, respectful, fun people i've ever met. I don't remember the ride home. I just remember a question that was asked without an answer that was in fact the answer i was dreading. But, i know not to try again and know to prevent similar situations in the future.

One of my coworkers surprised me today. He was having trouble getting online this morning when i needed him for backup on a project. I called him up asking what was wrong and used a very polite, understanding tone even though i was nervous of being left in the cold. He managed to fix whatever was wrong and we talked on the phone for a bit more afterward. He said "i could hear you trying to be polite but i could completely tell you were screaming at me to figure it out and get your shit together so i didn't leave you alone on this thing" This is exactly what i was feeling and it was very perceptive of him to figure that out. It's rare that someone will call me out on something like that and say "you're full of shit, why don't you just say what you mean" so i guess i figured i had grown fairly skilled at expressing myself in whatever way i choose, independent of my real feelings. But, this may not be the case. My real opinions and intentions may be very obvious to everyone and i may come off as a liar in some cases.

Four guys walked past me today returning from a pizzeria. One said "nice hair" and the rest laughed. It reminded me of a time in Richmond when someone passed me walking out of the supermarket and said "fag" walking next to his girlfriend. This is a related topic because not only are my intentions easily seen through my ambiguous words, but my weakness is easily noticeable from my outward appearance. How else would these people know it's safe to make such harsh remarks to a fit 6'4" male.

Harsh realizations when i spend so much time trying to mask my true intentions and insecurities.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#1 - Cult of Luna - Somewhere Along the Highway

Here we are, at number one... But wait, how could i have picked this as the best album of the 21st Century so far when i already stated the #2 spot as being a perfect album...? I was stumped for a while too, but that was my list, that's what i felt, it was an instinct that took me this long to figure out and here is my explanation. I've spent a lot of time thinking about why i like music and all of the different attributes that combine into an idea of perfection. For me one attribute transcends all others and that is the idea of losing oneself in the music. When an album hits you so deeply that you forget you're listening to music, that you forget what makes music good or bad, that you get so engrossed by it, stand at the whim of it, it reaches beyond perfection. When you stand at the mercy of a band you can't tell them what you think of it, you're just along for the ride, and it's up to them whether they want to return you to cynical, pretentious consciousness or not. Somewhere Along the Highway is a perfect title for a journey that may or may not end, that you may or may not survive and i think it describes this album perfectly.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#2 - Akercocke - Words that Go Unspoken, Deeds that Go Undone

I hinted at themes before that i find most respectable in music: sense of humor, contrasting emotions, brutality, keeping a balanced flow over the course of an album. These attributes as well as others make my perception of perfect music and the idea of a perfect album has changed for me over the years. The first time i was exposed to Akercocke was after the release of Goat of Mendes. At the time they seemed way too weird and campy, but i kept them in mind. They left a very unique unexplainable mark on me, but i shrugged it off until the next effort. Then Choronzon, and the interest grew but it was still a vague yearning. I enjoyed the album but all it did was whet my appetite. So i waited, and as time passed my perception of perfect music started to solidify and i started to feel what i was looking for. With their next full length, Words that Go Unspoken, Deeds that Go Undone it was as if i found it. I wasn't expecting a band to give me exactly what i wanted, but Akercocke delivered on every front of my curiosity. My intense attraction to this album might be completely subjective, but i would hope, i would dream otherwise. I want this album to be studied, written about, talked about, listened to endlessly until people understand just how brilliant it is.