Comedy Performance: Jimmy Carr Telling Jokes

Awesome, the man is a genius. Half of his show was based on audience, based on complete improv and it was like he does that all the time. Carr can make a legitimate joke out of any subject material given to him. And, the final segment of most offensive jokes ever was priceless in the most insanely horrible ways. Please be a fan of this epic comedian with me.

5/5

Movie: Harry Brown

Fairly respectable vigilante film about an old man seeking revenge against local hoodlums who killed his only friend. I watched this after having seen multiple positive reviews and comments like "Best UK film in years" etc. Statements like this got my hopes up a little too high. The final product was decent, but it didn't have as much depth as i was looking for. And, the plot twist at the end was a little too convenient to be realistic. Michael Caine was perfect for the role and gave a great performance, but i was feeling a little let down by the simplicity of the story when the ending wrapped up to a neat package of justice. So, if you're looking for blood and vengeance against mislead youth, this is the ticket. But if you have a taste for rich story and character drama i'd say to look elsewhere.

3/5

Movie: Broken Flowers

I rewatched this movie last night specifically to be able to write a little blurb so i can look back on it in years to come. Broken Flowers is one of the many Jim Jarmusch movies i've enjoyed over the past couple years, although the story is shrouded in controversy. According to an MSNBC article the original script was stolen by some unknown producer and adapted by Jim Jarmusch into what is known as Broken Flowers. It's not that i completely deny this, but i'm skeptical. It's possible that many of the events were taken for basic plot lines but this movie wreaks of Jarmusch, with sparse but meaningful dialog, lots of emotional pauses, twists and underlying themes that create color but never divert focus away from the deep characters. Broken Flowers is one of my favorites from Jarmusch simply because he chose Bill Murray as the lead role. The charm and subtle curiosity in his character was spot on perfect and every other character even though briefly introduced and fleating was surprisingly memorable. I think my favorite moment though was when the pickup truck driven by a couple of bikers pulls up to him blasting Dopesmoker by Sleep which means not only is Jarmusch a brilliant film maker but listens to some badass music. So even though the story may have been unjustly lifted from the hands of the less fortunate, the final product is a perfect example of an indie film done right.

5/5

Matt's 2009 Top 10

1. Katatonia - Night is the New Day



2. Ancestors - Of Sound Mind



3. Muse - The Resistance



4. The Bakerton Group - El Rojo


5. Giant Squid - The Ichthyologist



6. Kylesa - Static Tensions



7. The Company Band - The Company Band



8. Russian Circles - Geneva



9. Gorod - Process of a New Decline



10. Sunn O))) - Monoliths & Dimensions

Movie: The Insider

Russel Crowe's best role that i've seen and always nice to see Al Pacino doing his thing with ferocity. The way this story was portrayed was interesting. Instead of focusing on the strength of the public on the issue of tobacco addiction, the writers chose to focus directly on a few major characters and forget about public opinion completely. From this perspective i expected it to lack a certain strength in numbers, but this movie wasn't lacking on emotion. For an issue that would seem aged and uninteresting today this story hit hard with me on an emotional level. I found myself hanging on every conflict overwhelmed with anticipation of the outcome. Superb film all around.

5/5

Best of 2009

#1 - Ahab - The Divinity of Oceans

I love concept albums. To take a story from the past and express it musically you are attempting to capture the emotion that was felt while the events actually took place. This abum is based on the whaling ship Essex. I'll describe the story for you: While at sea the crew of the ship was attcked by a freakishly large sperm whale. The whale rammed itself into the side of the ship until it was destroyed and sank into the ocean. The men managed to escape the wreckage by way of three life boats and found an island on which to wait for help to come. Instead of conserving their resources the men gorged themselves on all the island had to offer and within weeks they were starving and seemingly doomed. Two groups ventured back out to sea to increase their chances of being rescued. Three men chose to stay on the island. The situation became more and more dire with starvation taking the first few lives. The men decided to resort to cannibalism feasting on the corpses of their shipmates. After the dead were consumed, the remaining men chose to draw straws to see who would be killed, and from another set of straws, decide who would be the executioner. 95 days after the Essex sank those who survived in the life boats were rescued by the Daughin, another whaling ship. It was said that the men were so dissociative that they didn't even notice the Dauphin alongside them. The men on the island were also eventually rescued moments away from death.
Now imagine the emotion that might have been felt during those 95 days. Ahab took it upon themselves to retell the story in such a way that we might know what happened to the crew of the Essex, that we might feel what it was like to face that level of desperation. This is the album of the year because it provides insight into the unthinkable and does so by redefining the genre of funeral doom. The Divinity of Oceans is expertly composed, perfectly executed, and will remain in my memory as the high point of 2009.

Best of 2009

#2 - YOB - The Great Cessation

I haven't been seeing The Great Cessation on many year end lists and that's sort of surprising. When this first came out i saw all sorts of forums with conversations that went as follows,
"Hey! did you hear the new YOB???"
"Dude, knocked me on my ass, heaviest fucking album of the year"
"I know! god damn beast"
It's possible with time the initial effect wore off and people were left feeling unsatisfied. I was not one of those people. Although not my number 1 pick, it is the album i've listened to most this year with spins comfortably into the double digits. I enjoy this one from start to finish exposing myself to new levels of distortion and surprises of ambient noise with each listen, but there are a few moments that knock me right on my ass. Not much music these days can give me that feeling that rushes up my spine and makes the hair on my neck stand up but for these moments it happens every time. It's the only album that makes me feel like the 800 watt stereo in my car isn't loud enough. At times i think i would willingly sacrifice my inner ear because it makes me feel close enough to transcendence that i can actually feel my worldly existence burning away. So anyone who wants to go on a road trip and maybe transition into the ether with some YOB, call me.

Best of 2009

#3 - Urna - Iter ad Lucem

Urna is a band who's musicians have no interest in the stage or having fans or ever attaining any exposure on a grand scale. They stay strictly in the studio creating music for one environment as described in an interview with Mortem Webzine, "...turning the light of your room off, lying alone in your own bed and then wearing your headphones playing the cd on stereo." This approach might come off as pretentious but i appreciate their decision to remain in obscurity. Iter ad Lucem is a work of art that was only meant to be experienced on a deeply personal level. The passages on this album lead the mind into darkness and loss and places normal people won't explore willingly. With each passing track you become more and more accustomed to the style, but in a way that exposes you, that identifies your weakness and capitalizes on it. If you're already prone to question yourself, listening to Iter ad Lucem isn't going to give you any answers. It's going to emphasize the futility of existence and leave you feeling alone. Listen with caution, but appreciate the profound emotional effect this can potentially evoke.

Best of 2009

#4 - Altar of Plagues - White Tomb

I'm very content with how diverse black metal has become over the years. There was a time when black metal was simply blasts with screams of satan mixed with the most primitive equipment possible all for the sake of being "true." Those days are gone. More and more bands are taking black metal as an influence and creating something unique and in the case of Altar of Plagues, profound. White Tomb begins blasting full speed ahead with a traditional approach but as time passes it deconstructs itself piece by piece until you find yourself lost and buried by the oppressive atmosphere. It's as if this album creates a void for the listener; an actual place to exist as the experience becomes less like listening to an album and more like being trapped in a horrible nightmare. White Tomb is an album to be listened to from beginning to end in darkness. Certainly not reasonable material for your gf's mix tape.

Best of 2009

#5 - Gorod - Process of a New Decline

Sometimes i feel like i'm getting somewhere as a guitarist, actually making some amount of forward progress, but then Gorod releases another album and that thought is quickly extinguished. Damnit Gorod... You don't even have the decency to post the full names of your band members so i can look up their life stories and worship them. The guitar work on Process of a New Decline is unbelievably expressive, making use of everything music theory has to offer. But, unlike a lot of other material in this genre it's actually fun to listen to. Tech death bands often sacrifice memorability for liberal amounts of wanking, and honestly Gorod is no exception. However, Gorod has an approach that i find incredibly attractive. The guitar leads are all really fun to listen to, taking advantage of major scales and runs based on classical composition. The percussion is equally impressive, transitioning fluidly from blasts to funky grooves. There's just so much material here, so many brilliant ideas, it seems impossible for a human being to come up with this amount of material in a lifetime, much less 2 years. Process of a New Decline is an incredibly ambitious offering from these guys and it's a work that should be respected by the entire music community.

Best of 2009

#6 - Nile - Those Whom the Gods Detest

Ever since "In Their Darkened Shrines" i've made sure to pay close attention to the work of Nile. I've always been fascinated by modern art that takes strong influence from ancient civilization. I think the interest comes from the brutality of those times. An individual life seemed so insignificant, faced with spiritual cleansing, disease, famine, all at the hands of a supreme deity, either in the from of a man or an illusion. Reality was brutal and life could be taken away from you on a whim. Nile capture this idea and deliver it accurately to the listener. Their bludgeoning execution would seem right at home in that sort of environment which is an odd thing to think about considering electric instrumentation wasn't around back then. Nile has been building upon each release from the start of their career, noting strengths and weaknesses and always comparing their sound to the embodiment of ancient evil, of death, of senseless destruction. Those Whom the Gods Detest is the product of that constant effort; it is their masterpiece in every quantifiable way. This album raises the bar quite high, but i'm confident Nile has a few albums to come that may raise the bar even higher.

Best of 2009

#7 - Ulcerate - Everything is Fire

With each passing year i encounter bands that beg the question "How many times can music redefine the word extreme?" Ulcerate answers the question with a resounding "As many times as we fucking like." This is a visceral offering of music with surgical precision, face melting speed, and abundant discordance capable of making ones skin crawl. On first listen the delivery seems relentless, too chaotic to swallow at times, completely overwhelming, but given time and patience the chaos that was driving you insane starts to become memorable. Once this material begins to germinate in your skull it invades you with infectious groove and layered composition. If you choose to give this a listen, be patient, be open and run through it a few times. I can almost promise the appreciation will come.

Best of 2009

#8 - Katatonia - Night is the New Day

This was a year of progressive music with lots of bands breaking the rules of traditional song structure. Katatonia released this album toward the end of the year and completely ruined the progressive theme. Night is the New Day is the accessible album of the year. Katatonia's style has evolved over the years into something that should be very attractive to the masses. Gone are the days of harsh vocals and 8 minutes tracks. This collection of songs is emotionally charged and memorable. Each track sounds like it could be the single of the album and i thought that on the first listen and each subsequent listen. The only track that really stands out as different from the rest is the final track, and only because of the guest vocalist, which was a bold move for the closer but ultimately satisfying. I remain hopeful for the day Katatonia is played on the radio, but i'm certainly not holding my breath...

Best of 2009

#9 - Process of Guilt - Erosion

This is the first of a few down-tempo death/doom albums that made it onto the list this year. I had not heard of Process of Guilt before, but i'm glad i finally discovered them. This is one hell of a dark album. The atmosphere conveys an unrelenting sense of devastation with waves of massive guitar riffs and forward driving percussion. These musicians have a very well honed sense of tension and release that keeps this album surprising at every turn. With guitar riffs based on bludgeoning heaviness, i expected them to get boring and redundant, but it's the accompaniment that keeps them from repetition, namely the drumming, which was the most refreshing aspect of this album for me. They maintain a slow methodical pace, but manage to stay interesting with tension building fills reliant on the coming riff to resolve them. Erosion is a great example of how relatively simple pieces can come together and create something really extraordinary. Erosion is patient, it's brooding, it's unsettling and easily one of the best albums of the year.

Best of 2009

#10 - Wodensthrone - Loss

There's a lot of boring black metal out there; Black metal bands that focus too much on the message they're trying to convey, and not enough on making interesting passages that keep the listener involved. Wodensthrone accomplish something really special on Loss. They remain loyal to most of the tried and true techniques of black metal: tremelo picking, blast beats, shrieking vocals, but present them in ways that seem fresh by layering them with heavy synth work, growling vocals, momentary Gregorian chant, acoustic passages etc. With these extra techniques one might assume the ultimate composition would seem bloated or cluttered, but not the case with Loss. The composition is tight and underneath all of the musical prowess lies pure emotion. It doesn't take the listener long to sink into the album and forget about comparisons to other black metal. Wodensthrone have created a classic of nature inspired black metal and hopefully they keep churning out music of this caliber in the years to come.

Movie: Spun

This was a fun trip. Apprently the film maker is a recovering meth head and created this movie to convey the idea of being "spun" to his audience. The filming style is shocking at first, but after a few scenes you forget completely about the odd delivery and sink into the story which is involving but fairly light. I sort of expected there to be really dark moments in the life of the drug addicted, but it was all fun even the arrests and explosions. I guess maybe that was part of the perception of being on meth, it's an upper so depression wasn't really included at all in the story. The characters ran about until they were arrested then ran about some more. Jason Schwartman's character was slightly unbelievable just because i don't think he would've been that successful with women. He didn't seem to have much going for him, but it threw some stunning female characters into the mix. Especially his ex-gf who found success while he was shitting away his life on meth; She was fucking beautiful, although only had one line. Overall a bunch of good performaces and it was nice to see Mickey Rourke again so soon after the Wrestler, really great actor. His character stole the show for me as the Cook. The only reason it gets a 4 and not a 5 is because i think the film maker had the opportunity to capture some real darkness with his delivery but kept it a little light and fluffy for my tastes.

4/5

Movie: Donnie Brasco

This is one of the mob classics i've neglected to watch over the years. I'm glad i finally got around to it. Johnny Depp and Al Pacino both put on spectacular performances. After seeing so many of this type of film the stories sort of all melt together, so it's important for a film like this to build realistic relationships between the characters and that's exactly what was accomplished. I thought Lefty's reaction to Donnie's outing as an FBI agent was unique in this sort of genre. He said simply "If it was going to be anyone, i'm glad it was him." Normally the character would go into a blind rage and set fire to everything in sight until either killing the accused or getting himself killed, but this was more real. It confirmed the fact that they were close on a deeper level than mob vs. FBI. They were like family, Brasco was Lefty's son, filling the void left by his actual son who spent all of his time with drugs. The only criticism i can think of is just that i didn't feel close to any other character in the movie. The focus never left Pacino and Depp, which was a little disappointing, but i understand that that's exactly why i felt so close to them. It took the entire canvas of the movie to portray those two characters. I think the only movie of this type that actually achieved building a generous handful of memorable characters is The Godfather, which is why it reigns supreme in this genre, for me at least.

4/5

Movie: The Wrestler

This was a good one. I've always been a fan of Mickey Rourke. Not really sure why, because i can't remember off the top of my head any roles that really stood out for him although i know there are quite a few. I always pictured him being exactly the way his character was portrayed in this film. A little delusional, a little off-balance, with obvious vices, but still just a good hearted dude. This was his opus in my opinion. Sure props go to Aronofsky, but the performances made this movie for me. Rourke and Tomei were unbelievable; unbelievably real. Tomei, it must be said is one of the most attractive actresses out there, she's aging beautifully and is really taking a lot of risks this far into her career. By risks i mean in the eyes of the up-tight. A person might say she's losing credibility with nudes scenes and trashy but colorful characters she's been undertaking, but they would be wrong. She's doing things with her career that take serious guts and i'm infinitely appreciative.
Enough about them though, the story was amazing, the script was natural and very well-written right up to the last scene, which was inevitable although made me feel legitimately lost. I didn't expect this to be as emotional as it was, but it packed some heavy punches. Awesome in every way, i can't think of a single criticism...

5/5

Movie: Extract

Mila Kunis my lord... What a perfect role for her. Perfect because she could get away with it. Any straight man with any fight left in him would stand in awe of her and give her anything she wanted. This movie uses that and builds a realistic character based on it. However, we don't don't see enough of her, we don't hear enough of her, and she throws away a lifetime of sociopathic behavior because she got caught and had some sex with... Jason Bateman... Unlikely. The movie was funny and the story was strong right up until the end when all the conflicts resolved entirely too easily. However, one specific detail stood out for me. One of the employees at the extract plant was in a grind band. So each time he was on screen he was wearing a different t-shirt, most notably Cephalic Carnage. I haven't even seen another cephalic carnage shirt in person. To see one in a wide release movie was just great. Thanks Mike judge. And thanks for casting Mila Kunis, but i want more from you next time.

3/5

Movie: 9

I had low expectations for this brought about by mediocre reviews and lack of popular appeal. I remember seeing the trailer for it about a year ago maybe and i liked what i saw but after hearing how it was criticized i placed it low on the list of priorities.
After watching it i understand why it wasn't well received. The production value of CG movies has become astounding. With funding giants like pixar and disney there's no lack of money to put top designers and hardware to task and create something remarkable visually. 9 didn't seem to have the same level of production value. It was a more modest offering in the world of CG as far as pure visuals are concerned. Specifically, the world in which the story took place seemed small and for a post apocalyptic setting, there could have been more going on that wasn't integral to the storyline. The visuals and architecture presented themselves only when they had an active role in the plot either as walking surfaces or minor physical challenges. I did like the darkness of the atmosphere and the recurrence of impending doom. It felt like a quirky video game i'd find myself enjoying thoroughly.
The story was relatively better than the production value, although not without flaw. The characters all seemed very simple and created for a specific purpose to advance the plot toward its conclusion. This means obvious protagonists and antagonists and fairly predictable decisions and actions from both. However, the characters conveyed human emotion surprisingly well. I felt sympathetic and wanted them to be safe and eventually end up the victors of the ultimate conflict which i'd rather not explain here.
There was one central theme that irked me at first, but was essential to the plot: The idea of the human spirit and the ability of the spirit to ascend somewhere. This story took a detour by way of an invention that projected parts of a human's spirit into rag dolls, which i thought was creative. This theme gave the characters a way to die without actually dying, so like i said, irksome because of my personal convictions but for the story, essential to create tension then relieve it with a nice happy ending SPOILED. The actual script wasn't terribly ambitious, but sharp and to the point, very little wasted time, which i appreciated for this type of movie.
So, overall, a modest, creative, quirky experience. One I enjoyed.

3/5

The more i think about it the more i'm convinced i have a pretty clear path for the next few years. Albany feels like another temporary residence. Although much more accommodating than Richmond, this city still doesn't have what i'm looking for. It still doesn't have an environment of intelligent cultured people. Maybe no city does, considering the more urban areas are polluted with pretention, but i remain hopeful. I remain intrigued by what it would be like to live in NYC and i feel that is my final destination after all this moving around. I want to exist there with a few musicians and thinkers. I'm not sure if that prospect includes still being employed by Bank of America. I'm sort of hoping it doesn't, but i would never take my job for granted considering how many people are struggling to find work at the moment. I'm also hoping that at some point in my life i could achieve my goals without having to be tied down to a job in which i provide no benefit to anyone. We'll see. I want to live in the city to meet people, to meet a girl; i'll just have to learn a few new skills to get there.

I am in Poughkeepsie again. I've been visiting a lot know there's not much time left to revisit my college years. Being here is like being at home, the streets i know, the people, the places to get food and drinks, some change, but each new business fills the temporary vacancy like it was there all along. Following the slight betrayal from an insecure girl i'm feeling somewhat motivated to go out and find another. They seem more willing here, not more willing to fuck, but more willing to talk, which is rare. The real world is full of people who would rather walk alone in their careers than chat with a friendly stranger. That phrase may even be fictional at this point understand how much distrust the media provokes out of us. TANGENTS TANGENTS. We'll see how this weekend plays out. At the very least i will enjoy the company, the friends i missed while in VA. And the weekends remaining are few, not sure what will relieve the tension and frustration after their gone. Maybe going back to the gym.

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange

If you haven't seen californicaton, you should, it's a great show.

Talking every day with one of my 55 year old coworkers is making me feel like a juvenile delinquent. Whenever i think of something to talk about it winds up involving some illegal or questionable activity i take part in and this dude is straight laced beyond definition. He doesn't go above the speed limit, doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't partake in the most innocent of web surfing while at work (not even news etc...) He doesn't listen to music, so that kills about 75% of all possible topics of conversation with me. Most of the time when we talk he just gives me a lecture about something, which i don't mind. It's better than silence. But today he hardly spoke at all. I think it was deliberate to see if i'd fill the void, but i have enough trouble thinking up different acknowledgments to whatever he's saying. The venue for these conversations is four miles of sidewalk that takes the full lunch break to navigate. I enjoy the walk because i don't like being in the office, and i think i'm giving him a bit of motivation to exercise and lose some weight. He said since he's met me he's taken off 15 pounds, and i'm very happy for him. I just hope he hasn't run out of things to say, because an hour is a bit more awkward silence than i can bear.

The weekend. I went to NYC for a birthday party for three different girls. Two of which i knew very well, while one has always been either bashful of me or disgusted by me since i met her years ago. The day leading up to the party was spent in an outlet mall in NJ with Ali which was a good experience, except for the lack of a general dept store to get some sunglasses. Ali made out very well finding an interview dress at a ridiculous discount because she's not afraid to ask for well-concealed discounts and people love to interact with her, including me. It was a long day but my first drink at the bar was a red bull and vodka which set me straight. The rest of the night fades in and out of my memory, but i can remember one moment very vividly. I turned around and out of nowhere was standing matt hittenmark. A person i don't care about in the least bit because he always struck me as artificial; like he doesn't really have any taste or desire for anything, just drifting trying to be seen and heard. I wanted to slap him in the face for no particular reason, but i had a short polite conversation with him maintaining an interested smile and polite dimeanor. My skin crawled, but it was a party and i think he saw through me anyway. The rest of the night i was very drunk and remember smiling a lot. Mostly because i enjoyed being around Matt and Dan infinitely. They always look at me with an honest interested expression that i can't get enough of and they're the most honorable, respectful, fun people i've ever met. I don't remember the ride home. I just remember a question that was asked without an answer that was in fact the answer i was dreading. But, i know not to try again and know to prevent similar situations in the future.

One of my coworkers surprised me today. He was having trouble getting online this morning when i needed him for backup on a project. I called him up asking what was wrong and used a very polite, understanding tone even though i was nervous of being left in the cold. He managed to fix whatever was wrong and we talked on the phone for a bit more afterward. He said "i could hear you trying to be polite but i could completely tell you were screaming at me to figure it out and get your shit together so i didn't leave you alone on this thing" This is exactly what i was feeling and it was very perceptive of him to figure that out. It's rare that someone will call me out on something like that and say "you're full of shit, why don't you just say what you mean" so i guess i figured i had grown fairly skilled at expressing myself in whatever way i choose, independent of my real feelings. But, this may not be the case. My real opinions and intentions may be very obvious to everyone and i may come off as a liar in some cases.

Four guys walked past me today returning from a pizzeria. One said "nice hair" and the rest laughed. It reminded me of a time in Richmond when someone passed me walking out of the supermarket and said "fag" walking next to his girlfriend. This is a related topic because not only are my intentions easily seen through my ambiguous words, but my weakness is easily noticeable from my outward appearance. How else would these people know it's safe to make such harsh remarks to a fit 6'4" male.

Harsh realizations when i spend so much time trying to mask my true intentions and insecurities.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#1 - Cult of Luna - Somewhere Along the Highway

Here we are, at number one... But wait, how could i have picked this as the best album of the 21st Century so far when i already stated the #2 spot as being a perfect album...? I was stumped for a while too, but that was my list, that's what i felt, it was an instinct that took me this long to figure out and here is my explanation. I've spent a lot of time thinking about why i like music and all of the different attributes that combine into an idea of perfection. For me one attribute transcends all others and that is the idea of losing oneself in the music. When an album hits you so deeply that you forget you're listening to music, that you forget what makes music good or bad, that you get so engrossed by it, stand at the whim of it, it reaches beyond perfection. When you stand at the mercy of a band you can't tell them what you think of it, you're just along for the ride, and it's up to them whether they want to return you to cynical, pretentious consciousness or not. Somewhere Along the Highway is a perfect title for a journey that may or may not end, that you may or may not survive and i think it describes this album perfectly.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#2 - Akercocke - Words that Go Unspoken, Deeds that Go Undone

I hinted at themes before that i find most respectable in music: sense of humor, contrasting emotions, brutality, keeping a balanced flow over the course of an album. These attributes as well as others make my perception of perfect music and the idea of a perfect album has changed for me over the years. The first time i was exposed to Akercocke was after the release of Goat of Mendes. At the time they seemed way too weird and campy, but i kept them in mind. They left a very unique unexplainable mark on me, but i shrugged it off until the next effort. Then Choronzon, and the interest grew but it was still a vague yearning. I enjoyed the album but all it did was whet my appetite. So i waited, and as time passed my perception of perfect music started to solidify and i started to feel what i was looking for. With their next full length, Words that Go Unspoken, Deeds that Go Undone it was as if i found it. I wasn't expecting a band to give me exactly what i wanted, but Akercocke delivered on every front of my curiosity. My intense attraction to this album might be completely subjective, but i would hope, i would dream otherwise. I want this album to be studied, written about, talked about, listened to endlessly until people understand just how brilliant it is.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#3 - Cephalic Carnage - Anomalies

Cephalic Carnage are the end result of mixing insanely technical grind-core with weed. There's nothing else like it, which is an odd anomaly in itself. Generally when a band makes something epic other bands tag along for the ride, but not with Colorado hydro-grind. These guys are just too good at writing songs to be influential. Everything they write is so brutal and satisfying, and their live set is... fun, legitimately. They make you feel good about being a metal-head. And, if you're carrying, they will smoke up with you, no matter who you are. However, as far as albums are concerned, there's one reason why i choose this slab over the others: The last track, the 10 minute epic titled Ontogony of Behavior. It rises from the mud, dripping and gurgling, slowly wiping itself clean, slicking it's black feathers back into place. It's eyes dart around aquainting itself, centering itself and 4 minutes in it takes flight like lucifer. Darting through the night sky picking off people left and right, taking they're sight and sound and leaving them crouched in horror, begging for mercy, and just when you think it's over it comes back and takes what's left. This is my favorite song of all time.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#4 - Agalloch - Ashes Against the Grain

Me: Hey douche, check out this band... Agalloch

Some Douche: What do they sound like?

Me: They're a dark/ambient folky band with tinges of black metal and lots of atmosphere.

Some Douche: Where are they from? Norway, Finland, France?

Me: Nope, Portland fucking Oregon.

Some Douche: Oh god, they must be fucking awful.

Me: On the contrary my stinky friend, they put most European bands to shame.

Some Douch: Well, I don't believe you, but you do have awfully good taste, so what the hell, i'll give her the old college try.

Me: Damn right you will, you sorry little douche. ::puts on the CD::

Some Douche: Ok, Ok, decent intro, little boring.... ::50 minutes of catatonic trance-like coma:: WOW, Pack your bags, we're moving to Portland fucking Oregon. It must be so cold there, and dark all the time. They must not have ever seen the sun, or maybe when they were first born and never again giving them an eternal sense of longing.

Me: Whoa, whoa, no, it's Portland Fucking Oregon, but i'm glad you like it.

Spread this album around, have similar conversations, gather and rejoice. Just don't keep this to yourself, because anyone who hasn't heard it is doomed to be... a douche.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#5 - Opeth - Blackwater Park

I was completely unaware there was contempt for this album until i pulled up metal-archives for the run-time and saw a 75% on Blackwater park. 75%?! The arguments are what i expected though: Too long, not heavy enough, boring. Blackwater Park is long at just over a full hour. However, when most bands accomplish length of this sort there would be some filler; some music that isn't absolutely necessary for the composition. None can be found on Blackwater Park. As for the second criticism, what a juvenile, ignorant comment to make about any metal album. Metal is all about heavy but what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that if you tease the listener for a second, an already heavy riff can be a inconceivably heavier. Opeth do this a lot and with great effect. And lastly boring. I'd like to see you sit down and write an acoustic guitar part played in counterpoint with a grand piano and lyrics. Boring... Every riff on Blackwater Park is memorable and every clean passage keeps your attention with it's heart-felt emotion and technicality. Without specifying musical genre, Opeth is the most consistent band running. And although i may find flaws in particular albums, i'm always impressed and will always come back for more.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#6 - Strapping Young Lad - SYL

Devin Townsend has been one of my favorite musicians since the beginning. He has the ability to make music completely outside the realm of the music industry avoiding all of it's intricate sub-genres and definitions. And, with the existence of both the Devin Townsend Band and Strapping young lad he's been able to traverse both the majestic and the grotesque, the graceful and the brutal. But, it was on SYL's self-titled album that he attempted to combine them. The balance is not even. This is still a heavy as fuck SYL album, but songs like Aftermath and Force Fed are perfect examples of how both sides of his bipolar condition were in perfect sync. This album is a monument in Devin's career which i'm sure will be quite a journey well into the 21st century. And, i'll be with him every step of the way.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#7 - High on Fire - Death is this Communion

I love High on Fire but can't say anything intelligent about them. Maybe that's the point. High on Fire is composed of three expertly trained musicians who choose not show it. I mean, they show that they're tight, that they can make groove after vicious groove without getting boring, but they forgo the bullshit that most expertly trained musicians succumb to. Simple, to the point, sledgehammer to the cranium metal. This album kills.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#8 - Enslaved - Isa

As we approach the top of list i've dug myself into a group of bands that are so good it's nearly impossible to pick their "best" album. Enslaved have had six full-length records since the year 2000 and all of them are superb. This is a band that has no conflict being influenced equally by emperor and pink floyd, by Mayhem and King Crimson. When you have that big of a spread between musical influences you have a lot of ground to cover. And Enslaved push full speed ahead writing brilliant music with a sense of tact and modesty, which is rare to find in the realm of the progressive. I picked Isa because it has the most memorable moments for me. And this just means more content stays with me from Isa than any other album. A lot of people would disagree, but that's what makes enslaved such a great band. Each album is geared toward a different audience and i honeslty suggest you go out and listen to each one to find out which is the perfect fit for you.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#9 - Mastodon - Remission

Fucking Mastodon... Not many bands have left me so conflicted, so confused. I have so much respect for this band and i hop on new material as soon as they release it to the public, yet i only love one of their albums. The rest have moments that i cling to and play through my various sound systems over and over, but they are mere moments. I love every second of Remission and i listen to it from beginning to end often. But why? For me Remission is the perfect balance between bludgeoning brutality and sprawling majesty. For every short blast of blood and carnage there's a groove laden epic that unfolds like orgasmic release. I get caught up in the give and take of this album. The leads are so jarring yet so satisfying, and Bran's drum fills build up so much tension just before evening out for a neck breaking riff. And when that riff rears its ugly prehistoric head, all my worldly weakness disappears.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#10 - Windir - Likferd

More black metal, this time a more traditional approach. This is melodic viking black metal, a style pioneered by Bathory. Windir make the style sound fresh and accessible on Likferd with a nearly pristine production and the most catchy melodies of their career. I say their, but really Windir is one guy, taking after Quorthon with his individuality, Valfar was a master musician and composer. The passion and attention to detail is heard through every aspect of this album, from the clean perfect pitch croons to the frigid but ultimately catchy guitar leads. It's the sort of black metal that empowers, the sort you want playing as you stride into war.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#11 - Deathspell Omega - Si Monumentum Requires, Circumspice

Instead of writing a mini-review for this album i want to post an excerpt from one of the few interviews Deathspell Omega have given. I think it gives a more honest portrayal of the band than i ever could.

"First and foremost, we want to avoid at all costs this very human illusion of being important and gladly leave these fifteen minutes of fame, as Warhol brilliantly put it, to whoever wants them. In regard to what we are trying to understand and dare to praise despite the immense restrictions of human understanding, we are nothing. This being said, we are of course better than most humans, our humility lies on a metaphysical level. Eventually, it should also be considered that we honestly can not say how much of the artistic or intellectual impulses truly come from us, and which percentage of, for example, "Si monumentim requires, circumspice" was conceived through or maybe even despite us. Claiming the paternity of a child with such odd and uncontrollable origins would be very vain, indeed, even if -at least- the credit of being an instrument remains. ("I shall descend in humiliation before Thee - And ascend before men only if thy will ordains me")"

The entire interview is posted at this location: http://ezxhaton.kccricket.net/interview.html

Read it if you like intelligent music and intelligent people. Stop reading my blog if you don't... :P

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#12 - Helloween - The Dark Ride

Could I have picked a better complement to the last review? Nope, ::applause:: thanks. No love for the power metal these days... but it should not be forgotten because of a few bands mucking it up for everyone. (Dragonforce, i'm looking at you) And god damn, The Dark Ride is fantastic. The songs are catchy and positive and silly. After so much anger and sadness from the rest of metal it's nice to have a break and Helloween provide exactly that without sacrificing the chops. These guys can fucking melt your face off.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#13 - Daylight Dies - Dismantling Devotion

I'm a sucker for sadness, for longing, for loss and betrayal. I've always favored depression over happiness. It feels more real, more honest. And when these emotions are displayed in music i get highly critical. The music has to hit me in a sympathetic way, amplifying my own feelings, understanding me and sharing my burden. It's special when even a single part of a band or album does that for me. But, when every aspect of the music fills me with sadness it's immediately promoted to epic status. Dismantling Devotion is the example. This album tears into me and twists and it feels great.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#14 - Immortal - Sons of Northern Darkness

After that whole spiel about not taking yourself too seriously i go and pick one of the most ridiculous black metal albums of all time. Go figure, Immortal are pretty fucking silly, but god damn can they write some amazing music. Equal parts thrash and black metal, every song on this album is a gem to remember. But it's not really the brilliant musicianship or song-writing ability displayed that makes me all hot and bothered. When i listen to Sons of Norther Darkness it provokes this weird involuntary reaction. The sides of my mouth drop into a grimace, my eyes close into a scowl and my right arm raises hand open displaying the evil held within.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#15 - Neurosis - Given to the Rising

When making lists like this you run into bands that are too influential. You can't just pick one album because all of them had a profound effect in the context in which they reside. Without Neurosis an entire sub-genre of music would be dramatically different. So how did i pick Given to thr Rising? I picked Given to the Rising because i feel comfortable with Given to the Rising. After adventuring through the unknown with other Neurosis albums, this one feels like home. It feels like a culmination of all those discovered territories, all the skills and techniques refined into a near perfect album. I would reserve the word opus though. After making so many fantastic albums i am more than confident the opus is yet to come. And i wait for it with undeniable anticipation.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#16 - Cynic - Traced in Air

I am pretty pissed off Cynic had only two LP's in the 20 years they've been in existence. They released Focus in '93, changed the face of death metal then disappeared until last year. When i first heard of a reunion, i remember being excited, but cautious. That unbearable period of silence means the musicians involved are going to be completely different people with different technique, different goals and ambitions. It would be naive to think Cynic was going to pick up were Focus left off. So when Traced in Air was released i had no idea what to expect. I listened to it once, then again, and another time. I loved every second of this album and the songs were lodged in my gray matter permanently. Each song is an extreme example of progressive song structure with time changes and key changes shifting back and forth, left and right, but these songs are memorable, they're accessible, they're catchy. I have no clue how they did it, but i am a fan for life after this album. I just hope they don't keep me waiting another 15 years...

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#17 - Pig Destroyer - Prowler in the Yard

If i were to choose a sountrack to the book "Story of the Eye" by George Battaille this would be it. Both are based in a world where violence and debauchery are the norm. Both are efficient in pushing the listener/reader as close as possible to their gag reflex. But, both grow on you, if you let them, opening up a whole new realm of curiosity. After listening to Prowler in the Yard all you want to do is find something even more extreme and demented. Unfortunately for us, such a thing doesn't exist... yet.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#18 - Vader - Litany

Polish death metal is somewhat hit or miss. Their goal is terribly ambitious: to mix equal parts brutality and technicality while writing focused songs. Vader managed to do it in under 30 minutes with Litany. It's a short but terribly dense aural affair. The moments of rest are fleeting and their only purpose is to emphasize the oncoming aggression. I can't think of a more powerful music induced adrenaline rush. WARNING: Listening to Track 3 - Xeper while driving is legitimately irresponsible and may result in the death of you and everyone in your immediate vicinity.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#19 - Warning - Watching from a Distance

Despair, depression, despondency, Doom. Warning know doom. It runs through their viens like lead poisoning. It makes their hands heavy, their vocal chords weak and desperate. When listening to Watching from a Distance you feel as Warning meant us to feel, lost. Losing oneself has never been so enjoyable...

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#20 - Impaled - Mondo Medicale

Unoriginal Carcass Clones? Maybe. But, that doesn't stop them from creating the gore-grind masterpiece of the 21st century so far. The leads are searing. The vocals are varied. The spoken word intros are hilarious. This album moves like a coked up addict through a crowded city sidewalk with scalpels in both hands. And it ends with a nasty riff wrapping the carnage up in a blood-soaked ace bandage.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

Metalsucks.com is a fucking awful website. All of the reasons i would offer to explain would sound like elitist bullshit. Which it would be, because i'm an elitist.

BUT, they featured a series of reviews that i had to follow out of curiosity.

The series was Best 21 Metal Releases of the 21st Century.

Needless to say i thought most of their picks were shit.

And in response i will make a list of my own.

This will not be a definitive list; it will not be supported by many people. The purpose of this list is to represent me and my love for such music. And I hope anyone who reads will get some amount of entertainment out of it.

This will be a landmark of my life; a recollection of my experience with music of the past 9 years.

So begins the list...


#21 - Crotchduster - Big Fat Box of Shit

I know what you're thinking, why the fuck would i start out with a joke. At least lead up to it with some serious bits and use it as relief. NO, I placed Crotchduster comfortably at #21 because it's not the best written piece of metal. It's not the most brutal or technical or atmospheric or any other attribute most metal enthusiasts paste on to these bands. The point of placing it at 21 is to display one of the most important axioms of life. If you're older than 16, you know that life is shit and if you take everything around you or yourself too seriously, you're going to be a fucking buzz-kill to everyone. So have a sense of humor. That's what Crotchduster preach: have a fucking sense of humor. Their drummer is a dog for fuck's sakes...

The night before i left Richmond i got hammered. Not in a responsible way either. I chose one of the heaviest beers on the menu at a place that serves over 400 brews. So it was pretty heavy. And i didn't just have a couple, i had five 22 ounce bottles of black syrup they call imperial stout. It's the type of beer that makes you nauseous half way through the first sip, but then teases you with chocolaty undertones, masking the doom and destruction lurking in its darkness. I drank as a victory dance, it was a symbolic FU to the city i had been trapped in for two years. It's not important why i thought getting sloshed translates to victory. It just was and i enjoyed.

The people i was with, friends of mine; they kept telling me things like "we'll miss you" and "don't go" and "take me with you." It was a nice feeling, but too little too late and not at all enough reason to stay in a place that caused me to feel hate like i've never felt before.

Upon leaving one moment in particular was powerful enough to remember. We were all pretty far gone and it was time for good byes. One friend, someone i had shared pain with, someone who shared it with me just got into his truck and paused for a second. He looked at me from out of his window with an expression i can't really describe beyond meaningful. All i could do was return the expression and point to him, somehow telling him "thank you for being around when i needed you." He returned the gesture and drove off. I'll probably never see him again.

The next morning i was hungover. Pain was shooting through my head like a thunderstorm. Waves of nausea were passing through me every 10 or so minutes. But, i had a lot of work to do because i was leaving Richmond. After around 20 trips back and forth from the dumpster i had thrown out everything that wouldn't fit in my car. And, after weeks of procrastination and disorganization, that was quite a bit. But, i made it. At 2:00pm i turned in the key to my apt. and began my last drive from the south. I say last with purpose because i never want to visit the south ever again and this is why:

After two years it became painfully obvious that I'm not welcome there. I have too many personal traits that don't agree with the values of the south. I'm a thinker, not a doer. I'm not a fighter unless it's a verbal argument worth winning. Which in the south it never is. I'm not religious. I'm not political which should be explained. I care where the country is going; i care about providing for my community and i want to make decisions that will benefit everyone as equally as possible. But to get behind a political party that is more than obviously just a marketing scheme with a set of rules to enslave you is ridiculous to me. I'm not liberal or conservative because an individual shouldn't be defined and i try to be as individual as i can.

On my trip up, about a half hour of solid driving and i got pretty emotional. I could feel my eyes glossing over and throat tighten up, but it didn't materialize into anything. I just rolled down the windows and reved the engine a little more to replace whatever i was feeling with a little adrenaline. It was at the moment that i realized "yes, it was shitty living in richmond for the past two years, but there's no guarantee it's not going to be shitty in albany" But, it will be considerably less shitty because: I can see my parents more than 2 times a year, i can get closer to an extended family i feel i've neglected since birth, and my friends, although busy and ambitious, are all within a 3 hour drive.

That's all for now. I'm in Albany. I'm working, not hard, but working so as not to get fired. And, i'm feeling slightly better. After all, you can't feel 100% after the bottom. It takes some time, and time i have a lot of.

Sometimes i sleep for no reason. Maybe after reading for a bit in the middle of the day my eyes feel heavy, but i know i'm not tired. Still, i just lift my legs up onto the sofa and lay my head on a pillow and attempt to drift off. Sometimes i can't, sometimes my body refuses by signaling my heart to race. It beats so hard i can feel it in my throat. It turns into a battle between the indifference i feel toward my surroundings and my pounding heart. I just want to sleep, and with perseverance my eyes open an hour later glazed over and blurry. After a minute or so i come to be fully alert but still faced with the same problem.

There's no reason for me to keep on doing this and i need reason, i breathe reason. It's silly, but i just can't do anything for myself. I need someone to do it for. I need orders, requests, and favors. I need someone to guide me toward something, whatever they choose; it makes no difference to me.

It's January 4th today, the new year, an opportunity to make changes, an opportunity to fix some of the mess i've created. I'd like to think that the new year will bring new opportunity, new hope, but it's bullshit. You make your own good luck with tireless bareknuckle effort; something i'm not very good at.