One of my coworkers surprised me today. He was having trouble getting online this morning when i needed him for backup on a project. I called him up asking what was wrong and used a very polite, understanding tone even though i was nervous of being left in the cold. He managed to fix whatever was wrong and we talked on the phone for a bit more afterward. He said "i could hear you trying to be polite but i could completely tell you were screaming at me to figure it out and get your shit together so i didn't leave you alone on this thing" This is exactly what i was feeling and it was very perceptive of him to figure that out. It's rare that someone will call me out on something like that and say "you're full of shit, why don't you just say what you mean" so i guess i figured i had grown fairly skilled at expressing myself in whatever way i choose, independent of my real feelings. But, this may not be the case. My real opinions and intentions may be very obvious to everyone and i may come off as a liar in some cases.

Four guys walked past me today returning from a pizzeria. One said "nice hair" and the rest laughed. It reminded me of a time in Richmond when someone passed me walking out of the supermarket and said "fag" walking next to his girlfriend. This is a related topic because not only are my intentions easily seen through my ambiguous words, but my weakness is easily noticeable from my outward appearance. How else would these people know it's safe to make such harsh remarks to a fit 6'4" male.

Harsh realizations when i spend so much time trying to mask my true intentions and insecurities.