Book: The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

I've been wanting to read this for a few years now, ever since my friend James brought it home our senior year of college and suffered through jokes and ridicule until he completed it. The pickup artist community has always fascinated me in a strange way. I more or less knew what it was about, a group of people who believe that human interaction can be reduced to a series of variables that if manipulated correctly can give an otherwise insecure person the ability to attract women. The fascination obviously came from my own insecurity, an insecurity I think a lot of people share in modern civilization.

We're born into a family, most often by a mother and a father, and we see that as the model of existence from a very young age. Our parents are our role models and if they were able to make a family then we should be able to as well. But, there are no lessons to be learned, no guidance, no strategies that parents can instill upon their children because their union is a result of their life experiences up until their meeting. Their being together doesn't give us any reassurance that we are also capable of beginning a family. They simply show that it's possible and beneficial, but we have our own journey, our own life experiences to learn from in order to get there and there's no guarantee that your better half will ever come along.

This point has been frightening for me ever since I became an atheist. At that moment you realize the only possible avenue of immortality is to pass your genes on to the next generation of man. If you fail to procreate then you die without a trace. Given, if you're a generous person, people will have benefited from your existence, but without children your physical traits will be lost forever.

So I picked up this book and another (Bang by Roosh V) to maybe learn something about human nature; to filter out the shallow bullshit that is inherent in the art of pickup and learn enough so that I might be more prepared to achieve my ultimate purpose.

This particular book isn't a how-to, it's a story about a group of people who founded the business of pickup, people who stream-lined the concept into a product and sold it to men who felt like they needed help meeting women. Neil Strauss, the writer and main character also known as Style did a great job. He taped so many conversations, described so many delicate moments and strategies that he developed and passed on to his students either willfully or not. The only thing I could criticize Strauss for would be his lack of objectivity. There were definitely passages that were unjustly colored, characters that were described in an unflattering light because of his feelings toward them. And although he admitted his own faults now and again, I think Strauss displayed an unattractive sense of elitism throughout which was detrimental to the effort as a whole, but at the same time, made the read more honest and human than if it were written by a more objective observer.

Did I learn anything that will help me with my journey? That question is complicated. As with any complex topic, research only leads to more questions, but there are several key points that the book made quite clear which I will list:

1) Independent of venue, the only way to meet a girl is to talk to her. Even the best pickup artists get rejected 95% of the time, but they meet more women because they talk to more of them.

2) The opener is the hardest part. If you get over the anxiety to begin a conversation then your chances of meeting someone special are going to increase. There are actually many wonderful openers described in this book and Bang that would be effective simply because they serve the purpose of initiating conversation. When no words come to mind there's nothing shameful in having a few openers memorized to get things going.

3) The actual conversation should be natural, you don't have to have entire stories memorized, but if you talk about aspects of your life that even you consider boring then you're going to bore your audience. There's no way around that. So talk about something you're passionate about and if she seems uninterested, walk away and try again with the next one.

4)  Include everyone. If you see a girl you're attracted to and she's with people, it's going to seem creepy to approach her and alienate her friends. Approaching a group is the ultimate skill of pickup because instead of singling one girl out and forcing her to make up her own mind about you, there is a group of people to reinforce the idea that you're a fun person. If her friends like you, she will have all the more reason to like you.

5) Don't feel the need to get hammered to loosen up at a bar or club. Alcohol helps, but your chances will be better if you control yourself and portray the image of someone who can have fun without it.

6) Don't be a prick. It was the intention of almost everyone in this book to sleep with the girl they approached, but if you're reading this and you know me then you'd know that I don't agree with that line of thinking. One night stands are an experience, but a relationship is a fulfilling experience. And as I stated, the ultimate goal is to start a family, so if you find yourself seeking validation by sleeping with women you don't know, take some time to reflect about your own insecurities and find a more sustainable solution.

Maybe obvious points to you, but they weren't obvious to me. And although I'll still have anxiety with the approach for some time, at least I have some stories, some tools, some knowledge of other people's experiences to help me. Let me know if you'd like to borrow either The Game or Bang and I will gladly accommodate.

4/5