Movie: The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover

The path to discovery for this film was a frustrating one. After seeing an interview with Paul Giamatti for his role in the new Spiderman movie (of which I have no interest) I was curious to see if Paul was in any recent indie flicks I may have missed since he's got quite the reputation for doing projects with no hope of monetary gain. The film River of Fundament caught my eye immediately, a six hour epic directed by Matthew Barney. Mathew Barney... Barney... where have I heard that name before... In this age of technology the struggle for long buried memories doesn't last long and with a click I instantly recalled why the name struck me in such a way.

Barney is responsible for a massive, decade long film project known as the Cremaster Cycle. Now I want to stress my complete ignorance of the project and the resulting frustration very clearly. The Cremaster Cycle had only extremely limited screenings at extremely exclusive events and was never released to the public in any format, leaving me unable to watch it. As you can probably understand, for a person who has access to literally any film, again through the magic of technology and a frayed and rotted sense of moral fiber, encountering something so obscure, and by its reputation so symbolically dark and critical of mainstream culture, and not being able to view it, spun me into a minor rage. The rage was further stoked by the livid hate Barney has received in the IMDB forums. The mob will yell when their beliefs are questioned, the mob will shriek when they encounter something they don't readily understand, especially something regarded as high art to the paid critics. Any real fan of conceptual film will tell you, the more putrid the smell of derision, the more attractive the object of said derision becomes.

But since I'm denied the object, I have to settle for something close to it and luckily enough in one of those heated criticisms from the mob was the mention of Peter Greenaway, a comment along the lines of, "If you think Barney is impressive, Greenaway will make your eyes bleed with bliss." And with a cast including Helen Mirren, Michael Gambon, and Tim Roth, Greenaway's film, The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover was enough to divert my attention away from Barney for the time being.

The Cook is an exceedingly dark film from the very start and because of the obscenity in the first scene I'll save you from the description and just explain that its purpose is to establish the main character, the Thief, as the worst kind of narcissistic egomaniac. He's violent, impulsive, grotesque and overwhelmed with jealousy for anyone who even looks at his abused wife for a fleeting second. His wife, played by Helen Mirren is beautiful, graceful, with a sharp wit to occasionally put her husband in his place. From the title of the film you could probably guess that the wife takes a lover, a quiet, noble gentlemen who is only capable of the deepest admiration for her.

That's pretty much all you need to know about the plot. It's a classic, simple tale told millions of times before, sometimes more subtly, sometimes shrouded in more subtext, but you won't find a more brutal portrayal of the classic story. And you won't find a more stylized one either. This film is a work of visual art and the comparison to Barney is clear now. The film never escapes the walls of one small studio, but the studio is densely filled with the baroque styling one would expect of a multi-million dollar period piece. All visuals, even of the most grotesque variety are beautiful, intricately designed, and presented with thoughtful composition to the audience. I walked away from this film saddened by the blank white walls of my apartment, of the general spartan way of modern living those with a modest salary have to accept. The costumes were equally impressive having been designed by Jean Paul Gaultier. That might ring a bell for some people as he's the same designer responsible for the vivid, other-worldly costumes of The Fifth Element.

I shouldn't have left this for last, but since it's obvious that Helen Mirren isn't going to do anything less than act her proverbial pants off, I shouldn't have to mention it at all. And in all of film, there are few characters I hated more than Michael Gambon's portrayal of Albert. He was a monster, a real villain, and watching him wale and snarl was a rare pleasure.

Only recommended for those with a strong stomach, but for those lucky few, absolutely essential.

5/5