I went to the mall today. I wanted to buy a new white shirt to wear to poughkeepsie. I wonder how many people there will recognize me. I mean at the job fair, the underclassmen, walking by, just a familiar glance. I'm thinking there will be a few, looking at me in my white shirt and tie. I can only imagine what they'll think; maybe that i'm doing well for myself, maybe that i'm luckier than the average college grad to have a job. There might be a couple who automatically think that i am part of the machine now. I mean i work for the second largest bank in the world... That amount of money took a lot of evil, it took a lot pain to gather. I don't know how i'd respond to such an accusation. I might agree with them. But, overall i'm excited to see the reactions. Going from a place where no one knows you to somewhere everyone at least recognizes your familiar face is a welcoming notion.

While i was at the mall something strange happened. I had just bought the shirt and a few more pairs of my favorite boxer briefs and felt the need to wander around a bit. Walking out of the store i pass one of those kiosks, i didn't realize what the girl was trying to sell until she approached me. She said simply, "Sir, would you like to by a necklace, bracelet or anklet?" The words were simple, although a little strange for her to approach a male with such an offer. Her delivery, however, was staggering; full eye contact, forward body language, she even elongated the last syllable in anklet. I stopped for a second just to process the gesture and as soon as i regained some motor control responded, "No... thank you though." And as if i had just purchased the entire kiosk for more than it was worth she said in the same emphasized manner, "Well, you have a nice evening sir." I had no other choice but to wish her the same. It was a powerful few seconds of my life.

I continued on through the mall and into FYE. I hadn't intended on buying anything, just wanted to look around and see what metal had, against all odds, made it into such a store. Scanning the racks a cd popped right out at me. It was Crimson by the Alkaline Trio; a cd that i had been listening to, admittedly in mp3 form, for the past few weeks almost non-stop. It turned out to be a used copy selling for $8. With a smile on my face, i picked it up and started to walk toward the register when i thought, "Hey, i just bought a huge tv and a nice dvd player, not checking out the dvd's would be silly." So walking back to the dvd section the same thing happened. A movie, one that i had wanted to see for some time just because of hype and good reviews was right there, used. It was a copy of Natural Born Killers. I decided any further looking might end up in an empty bank account so i went up to pay. And again, female cashier, most delightful interaction. I don't know what it was. Possibly because she was well versed in punk (died hair, alternatively dressed) and agreed with my taste for the Trio, or maybe that she was just a genuinely, honestly, nice person. It's funny to encounter that. I mean i see people every day, i study them. If they show up more than once they've got a spot in my head all to their own where i think and speculate. Keeping such good track of people, you learn very well that there is more to words than just the definitions, but you have to feel them. You have to see how they're delivered. At that point you know when someone is being kind, or if they just think they're being kind. Those two girls were perfect examples of honesty in emotion. I've speculated about the seconds' motives (the first just left me dumbstruck) but that's really not important. They made me feel welcome, when not many things here have. Two simple interactions seemed to breathe new life into my feeble attempt at accepting Richmond as a home. I'm still alone here, and i'm still unhappy that my friends are so far off, but that helped.

Anyway, Natural Born Killers is a brutal, violent, disjointed and emotionally jarring film. I loved every second of it. Well done Oliver Stone.