The more i think about it the more i'm convinced i have a pretty clear path for the next few years. Albany feels like another temporary residence. Although much more accommodating than Richmond, this city still doesn't have what i'm looking for. It still doesn't have an environment of intelligent cultured people. Maybe no city does, considering the more urban areas are polluted with pretention, but i remain hopeful. I remain intrigued by what it would be like to live in NYC and i feel that is my final destination after all this moving around. I want to exist there with a few musicians and thinkers. I'm not sure if that prospect includes still being employed by Bank of America. I'm sort of hoping it doesn't, but i would never take my job for granted considering how many people are struggling to find work at the moment. I'm also hoping that at some point in my life i could achieve my goals without having to be tied down to a job in which i provide no benefit to anyone. We'll see. I want to live in the city to meet people, to meet a girl; i'll just have to learn a few new skills to get there.

I am in Poughkeepsie again. I've been visiting a lot know there's not much time left to revisit my college years. Being here is like being at home, the streets i know, the people, the places to get food and drinks, some change, but each new business fills the temporary vacancy like it was there all along. Following the slight betrayal from an insecure girl i'm feeling somewhat motivated to go out and find another. They seem more willing here, not more willing to fuck, but more willing to talk, which is rare. The real world is full of people who would rather walk alone in their careers than chat with a friendly stranger. That phrase may even be fictional at this point understand how much distrust the media provokes out of us. TANGENTS TANGENTS. We'll see how this weekend plays out. At the very least i will enjoy the company, the friends i missed while in VA. And the weekends remaining are few, not sure what will relieve the tension and frustration after their gone. Maybe going back to the gym.

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange

If you haven't seen californicaton, you should, it's a great show.

Talking every day with one of my 55 year old coworkers is making me feel like a juvenile delinquent. Whenever i think of something to talk about it winds up involving some illegal or questionable activity i take part in and this dude is straight laced beyond definition. He doesn't go above the speed limit, doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't partake in the most innocent of web surfing while at work (not even news etc...) He doesn't listen to music, so that kills about 75% of all possible topics of conversation with me. Most of the time when we talk he just gives me a lecture about something, which i don't mind. It's better than silence. But today he hardly spoke at all. I think it was deliberate to see if i'd fill the void, but i have enough trouble thinking up different acknowledgments to whatever he's saying. The venue for these conversations is four miles of sidewalk that takes the full lunch break to navigate. I enjoy the walk because i don't like being in the office, and i think i'm giving him a bit of motivation to exercise and lose some weight. He said since he's met me he's taken off 15 pounds, and i'm very happy for him. I just hope he hasn't run out of things to say, because an hour is a bit more awkward silence than i can bear.

The weekend. I went to NYC for a birthday party for three different girls. Two of which i knew very well, while one has always been either bashful of me or disgusted by me since i met her years ago. The day leading up to the party was spent in an outlet mall in NJ with Ali which was a good experience, except for the lack of a general dept store to get some sunglasses. Ali made out very well finding an interview dress at a ridiculous discount because she's not afraid to ask for well-concealed discounts and people love to interact with her, including me. It was a long day but my first drink at the bar was a red bull and vodka which set me straight. The rest of the night fades in and out of my memory, but i can remember one moment very vividly. I turned around and out of nowhere was standing matt hittenmark. A person i don't care about in the least bit because he always struck me as artificial; like he doesn't really have any taste or desire for anything, just drifting trying to be seen and heard. I wanted to slap him in the face for no particular reason, but i had a short polite conversation with him maintaining an interested smile and polite dimeanor. My skin crawled, but it was a party and i think he saw through me anyway. The rest of the night i was very drunk and remember smiling a lot. Mostly because i enjoyed being around Matt and Dan infinitely. They always look at me with an honest interested expression that i can't get enough of and they're the most honorable, respectful, fun people i've ever met. I don't remember the ride home. I just remember a question that was asked without an answer that was in fact the answer i was dreading. But, i know not to try again and know to prevent similar situations in the future.

One of my coworkers surprised me today. He was having trouble getting online this morning when i needed him for backup on a project. I called him up asking what was wrong and used a very polite, understanding tone even though i was nervous of being left in the cold. He managed to fix whatever was wrong and we talked on the phone for a bit more afterward. He said "i could hear you trying to be polite but i could completely tell you were screaming at me to figure it out and get your shit together so i didn't leave you alone on this thing" This is exactly what i was feeling and it was very perceptive of him to figure that out. It's rare that someone will call me out on something like that and say "you're full of shit, why don't you just say what you mean" so i guess i figured i had grown fairly skilled at expressing myself in whatever way i choose, independent of my real feelings. But, this may not be the case. My real opinions and intentions may be very obvious to everyone and i may come off as a liar in some cases.

Four guys walked past me today returning from a pizzeria. One said "nice hair" and the rest laughed. It reminded me of a time in Richmond when someone passed me walking out of the supermarket and said "fag" walking next to his girlfriend. This is a related topic because not only are my intentions easily seen through my ambiguous words, but my weakness is easily noticeable from my outward appearance. How else would these people know it's safe to make such harsh remarks to a fit 6'4" male.

Harsh realizations when i spend so much time trying to mask my true intentions and insecurities.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#1 - Cult of Luna - Somewhere Along the Highway

Here we are, at number one... But wait, how could i have picked this as the best album of the 21st Century so far when i already stated the #2 spot as being a perfect album...? I was stumped for a while too, but that was my list, that's what i felt, it was an instinct that took me this long to figure out and here is my explanation. I've spent a lot of time thinking about why i like music and all of the different attributes that combine into an idea of perfection. For me one attribute transcends all others and that is the idea of losing oneself in the music. When an album hits you so deeply that you forget you're listening to music, that you forget what makes music good or bad, that you get so engrossed by it, stand at the whim of it, it reaches beyond perfection. When you stand at the mercy of a band you can't tell them what you think of it, you're just along for the ride, and it's up to them whether they want to return you to cynical, pretentious consciousness or not. Somewhere Along the Highway is a perfect title for a journey that may or may not end, that you may or may not survive and i think it describes this album perfectly.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#2 - Akercocke - Words that Go Unspoken, Deeds that Go Undone

I hinted at themes before that i find most respectable in music: sense of humor, contrasting emotions, brutality, keeping a balanced flow over the course of an album. These attributes as well as others make my perception of perfect music and the idea of a perfect album has changed for me over the years. The first time i was exposed to Akercocke was after the release of Goat of Mendes. At the time they seemed way too weird and campy, but i kept them in mind. They left a very unique unexplainable mark on me, but i shrugged it off until the next effort. Then Choronzon, and the interest grew but it was still a vague yearning. I enjoyed the album but all it did was whet my appetite. So i waited, and as time passed my perception of perfect music started to solidify and i started to feel what i was looking for. With their next full length, Words that Go Unspoken, Deeds that Go Undone it was as if i found it. I wasn't expecting a band to give me exactly what i wanted, but Akercocke delivered on every front of my curiosity. My intense attraction to this album might be completely subjective, but i would hope, i would dream otherwise. I want this album to be studied, written about, talked about, listened to endlessly until people understand just how brilliant it is.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#3 - Cephalic Carnage - Anomalies

Cephalic Carnage are the end result of mixing insanely technical grind-core with weed. There's nothing else like it, which is an odd anomaly in itself. Generally when a band makes something epic other bands tag along for the ride, but not with Colorado hydro-grind. These guys are just too good at writing songs to be influential. Everything they write is so brutal and satisfying, and their live set is... fun, legitimately. They make you feel good about being a metal-head. And, if you're carrying, they will smoke up with you, no matter who you are. However, as far as albums are concerned, there's one reason why i choose this slab over the others: The last track, the 10 minute epic titled Ontogony of Behavior. It rises from the mud, dripping and gurgling, slowly wiping itself clean, slicking it's black feathers back into place. It's eyes dart around aquainting itself, centering itself and 4 minutes in it takes flight like lucifer. Darting through the night sky picking off people left and right, taking they're sight and sound and leaving them crouched in horror, begging for mercy, and just when you think it's over it comes back and takes what's left. This is my favorite song of all time.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#4 - Agalloch - Ashes Against the Grain

Me: Hey douche, check out this band... Agalloch

Some Douche: What do they sound like?

Me: They're a dark/ambient folky band with tinges of black metal and lots of atmosphere.

Some Douche: Where are they from? Norway, Finland, France?

Me: Nope, Portland fucking Oregon.

Some Douche: Oh god, they must be fucking awful.

Me: On the contrary my stinky friend, they put most European bands to shame.

Some Douch: Well, I don't believe you, but you do have awfully good taste, so what the hell, i'll give her the old college try.

Me: Damn right you will, you sorry little douche. ::puts on the CD::

Some Douche: Ok, Ok, decent intro, little boring.... ::50 minutes of catatonic trance-like coma:: WOW, Pack your bags, we're moving to Portland fucking Oregon. It must be so cold there, and dark all the time. They must not have ever seen the sun, or maybe when they were first born and never again giving them an eternal sense of longing.

Me: Whoa, whoa, no, it's Portland Fucking Oregon, but i'm glad you like it.

Spread this album around, have similar conversations, gather and rejoice. Just don't keep this to yourself, because anyone who hasn't heard it is doomed to be... a douche.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#5 - Opeth - Blackwater Park

I was completely unaware there was contempt for this album until i pulled up metal-archives for the run-time and saw a 75% on Blackwater park. 75%?! The arguments are what i expected though: Too long, not heavy enough, boring. Blackwater Park is long at just over a full hour. However, when most bands accomplish length of this sort there would be some filler; some music that isn't absolutely necessary for the composition. None can be found on Blackwater Park. As for the second criticism, what a juvenile, ignorant comment to make about any metal album. Metal is all about heavy but what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that if you tease the listener for a second, an already heavy riff can be a inconceivably heavier. Opeth do this a lot and with great effect. And lastly boring. I'd like to see you sit down and write an acoustic guitar part played in counterpoint with a grand piano and lyrics. Boring... Every riff on Blackwater Park is memorable and every clean passage keeps your attention with it's heart-felt emotion and technicality. Without specifying musical genre, Opeth is the most consistent band running. And although i may find flaws in particular albums, i'm always impressed and will always come back for more.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#6 - Strapping Young Lad - SYL

Devin Townsend has been one of my favorite musicians since the beginning. He has the ability to make music completely outside the realm of the music industry avoiding all of it's intricate sub-genres and definitions. And, with the existence of both the Devin Townsend Band and Strapping young lad he's been able to traverse both the majestic and the grotesque, the graceful and the brutal. But, it was on SYL's self-titled album that he attempted to combine them. The balance is not even. This is still a heavy as fuck SYL album, but songs like Aftermath and Force Fed are perfect examples of how both sides of his bipolar condition were in perfect sync. This album is a monument in Devin's career which i'm sure will be quite a journey well into the 21st century. And, i'll be with him every step of the way.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#7 - High on Fire - Death is this Communion

I love High on Fire but can't say anything intelligent about them. Maybe that's the point. High on Fire is composed of three expertly trained musicians who choose not show it. I mean, they show that they're tight, that they can make groove after vicious groove without getting boring, but they forgo the bullshit that most expertly trained musicians succumb to. Simple, to the point, sledgehammer to the cranium metal. This album kills.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#8 - Enslaved - Isa

As we approach the top of list i've dug myself into a group of bands that are so good it's nearly impossible to pick their "best" album. Enslaved have had six full-length records since the year 2000 and all of them are superb. This is a band that has no conflict being influenced equally by emperor and pink floyd, by Mayhem and King Crimson. When you have that big of a spread between musical influences you have a lot of ground to cover. And Enslaved push full speed ahead writing brilliant music with a sense of tact and modesty, which is rare to find in the realm of the progressive. I picked Isa because it has the most memorable moments for me. And this just means more content stays with me from Isa than any other album. A lot of people would disagree, but that's what makes enslaved such a great band. Each album is geared toward a different audience and i honeslty suggest you go out and listen to each one to find out which is the perfect fit for you.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#9 - Mastodon - Remission

Fucking Mastodon... Not many bands have left me so conflicted, so confused. I have so much respect for this band and i hop on new material as soon as they release it to the public, yet i only love one of their albums. The rest have moments that i cling to and play through my various sound systems over and over, but they are mere moments. I love every second of Remission and i listen to it from beginning to end often. But why? For me Remission is the perfect balance between bludgeoning brutality and sprawling majesty. For every short blast of blood and carnage there's a groove laden epic that unfolds like orgasmic release. I get caught up in the give and take of this album. The leads are so jarring yet so satisfying, and Bran's drum fills build up so much tension just before evening out for a neck breaking riff. And when that riff rears its ugly prehistoric head, all my worldly weakness disappears.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#10 - Windir - Likferd

More black metal, this time a more traditional approach. This is melodic viking black metal, a style pioneered by Bathory. Windir make the style sound fresh and accessible on Likferd with a nearly pristine production and the most catchy melodies of their career. I say their, but really Windir is one guy, taking after Quorthon with his individuality, Valfar was a master musician and composer. The passion and attention to detail is heard through every aspect of this album, from the clean perfect pitch croons to the frigid but ultimately catchy guitar leads. It's the sort of black metal that empowers, the sort you want playing as you stride into war.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#11 - Deathspell Omega - Si Monumentum Requires, Circumspice

Instead of writing a mini-review for this album i want to post an excerpt from one of the few interviews Deathspell Omega have given. I think it gives a more honest portrayal of the band than i ever could.

"First and foremost, we want to avoid at all costs this very human illusion of being important and gladly leave these fifteen minutes of fame, as Warhol brilliantly put it, to whoever wants them. In regard to what we are trying to understand and dare to praise despite the immense restrictions of human understanding, we are nothing. This being said, we are of course better than most humans, our humility lies on a metaphysical level. Eventually, it should also be considered that we honestly can not say how much of the artistic or intellectual impulses truly come from us, and which percentage of, for example, "Si monumentim requires, circumspice" was conceived through or maybe even despite us. Claiming the paternity of a child with such odd and uncontrollable origins would be very vain, indeed, even if -at least- the credit of being an instrument remains. ("I shall descend in humiliation before Thee - And ascend before men only if thy will ordains me")"

The entire interview is posted at this location: http://ezxhaton.kccricket.net/interview.html

Read it if you like intelligent music and intelligent people. Stop reading my blog if you don't... :P

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#12 - Helloween - The Dark Ride

Could I have picked a better complement to the last review? Nope, ::applause:: thanks. No love for the power metal these days... but it should not be forgotten because of a few bands mucking it up for everyone. (Dragonforce, i'm looking at you) And god damn, The Dark Ride is fantastic. The songs are catchy and positive and silly. After so much anger and sadness from the rest of metal it's nice to have a break and Helloween provide exactly that without sacrificing the chops. These guys can fucking melt your face off.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#13 - Daylight Dies - Dismantling Devotion

I'm a sucker for sadness, for longing, for loss and betrayal. I've always favored depression over happiness. It feels more real, more honest. And when these emotions are displayed in music i get highly critical. The music has to hit me in a sympathetic way, amplifying my own feelings, understanding me and sharing my burden. It's special when even a single part of a band or album does that for me. But, when every aspect of the music fills me with sadness it's immediately promoted to epic status. Dismantling Devotion is the example. This album tears into me and twists and it feels great.

21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century... So Far

#14 - Immortal - Sons of Northern Darkness

After that whole spiel about not taking yourself too seriously i go and pick one of the most ridiculous black metal albums of all time. Go figure, Immortal are pretty fucking silly, but god damn can they write some amazing music. Equal parts thrash and black metal, every song on this album is a gem to remember. But it's not really the brilliant musicianship or song-writing ability displayed that makes me all hot and bothered. When i listen to Sons of Norther Darkness it provokes this weird involuntary reaction. The sides of my mouth drop into a grimace, my eyes close into a scowl and my right arm raises hand open displaying the evil held within.